The threat is nearly invisible in ordinary ways. It is a crisis of confidence. It is a crisis that strikes at the very heart and soul and spirit of our national will. 

Hello you Wall Street Industrialists, you titans of all industry.  Hello rich white widows and widowers.  Hello rich bankers, with your causal cocaine addictions and squash memberships. 

And you know what the best part is, America?  Trump’s gonna let us keep our guns.  Our 100% absolute Constitutional right. 

Hey Vlad, what are you doing tonight?  You wanna hang out?  Melania is making popcorn and I’m ordering KFC. 

We are a country that is constantly moving forward, constantly creating.  And, in spite of what they tell you, Mr. President-elect, Democrats are not the Progressives, America is The Progressive. 

Since my tremendous victory in an election so easy to win I even got to say "pussy" during my campaign, I have selected some very great people to my administration.

I still wake up in the mornings believing the election was a twisted dream, but then I wander the halls of the West Wing and see the pained, heartbroken expressions of my staffers and know it must be true. 

Freedoms should not be afforded only to gun owners and Wall Street fat cats.  We are the land of the free for many reasons beyond those, and the moment you discontinue our traditions, the moment we quit being a country.